Why Men SHOULDN’T Rely On Dating Apps

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Hey guys it’s me kezia noble leading female dating and attraction expert for men today in this video i’m going to be exploring whether dating apps really do provide a shortcut and if the payoff justifies the investment [Music] so during these lockdowns that people have been experiencing it’s fair to say that dating apps have really tightened their grip however the grip is now loosening a little bit and that’s because in some places the lockdowns are easing i appreciate that in some other countries this is not the case but for the countries that are experiencing an ease of lockdown um there has been a noticeable shift away from dating apps and that’s because people have overdosed on them i mean they spent two or three months you know every day checking a dating app looking at you know what the algorithm spews out at them and then organizing a soul-destroying little zoom date with someone and so people now are looking for something much more organic like a more organic way of meeting people okay they’re sick of looking at people through screens so i’ve noticed that um going out i’ve just noticed men approaching more of course whilst respecting social distancing but i have noticed that there’s just a lot more approaching and talking with people than there was pre-lockdown where everyone was kind of scrolling through their phones this is great for many reasons but there are two particular reasons that i want to go through with you today now the last two years i’ve noticed there’s a lot more articles coming out about how people are finding dating to be a chore rather than a pleasure i’m hearing from a lot of my female friends as well as my clients saying that they’re not enjoying dating anymore that they find it like a long-winded process and that really didn’t make any sense to me because dating should be fun um people never used to complain about dating people used to like dating they used to get excited before a date they used to just equate dating with fun and now people are complaining saying it’s eating up their time and i thought this is very unhealthy dating should not be looked upon as something which is eating at your time something must be going wrong here and each person that makes these kind of complaints is because they were using dating apps i don’t hear it from people who don’t use dating apps they have a more healthy relationship with dating so i’m gonna explain to you why people are now feeling that dating apps are providing not fun and excitement or a shortcut like they promised but more like a sort of relentless struggle pre-dating apps you weren’t arranging dates with people based on just a very uh airbrushed filtered photograph of them that doesn’t really represent how they look um and you weren’t arranging dates based on a very well edited bio you are arranging dates of people based on a real life preview and no instagram account no dating app no little pre-video before a date can ever match the accuracy of meeting someone one-on-one the first time you get a sense of kind of who they are what their vibe is like you know the eye contact the body language is there something off about this person so i i don’t use dating apps um i’m not saying i never will but i just don’t like them for many reasons and this is one of them because i don’t want to have that feeling of endless disappointment so what i keep hearing is both sides my clients men and my female friends saying the weird factor they felt that the other person was a bit weird there was something a bit off about them they were far less confident in real life as another one men generally seem to say the woman was a lot bigger in real life um you know she had she was she was how can i put this delicately she was fatter and and the women often say that the guy was shorter and they say well you know looking at the photographs he looked really tall and look at the photographs she looked really thin and needless to say you won’t have that kind of problem if you meet somebody in real life for the first time um so i don’t want to go for that disappointment i’m sure he’d be disappointed with me i’d be disappointed with him because how we come across online is different to how we are in real life some a little less different than others but it’s still different um some people with a camera on just come alive and when the camera’s off they become a real ball um so i didn’t want to go for this kind of disappointment i see a lot of people going through endless disappointments and you don’t get that if you’ve already met the person in real life you really do get a kind of sense whether there’s a potential there and that’s the key i don’t say yes to guys if they ask me on a date if i feel there’s no potential at all or i think that this is something not right i would not be able to get that from dating apps i wouldn’t know who’s got potential and who doesn’t and this is a point i’m going to get to because a lot of you are probably thinking now well actually i am quite short kesia or i don’t look very good in real life so whether i was going to speak to her via a dating app or real life it would have the same results no no it wouldn’t and i’m going to explain why later on okay using dating apps to meet people is essentially a numbers game okay and the numbers game is not a shortcut a numbers game takes a lot of time when you meet people in your life it’s not a numbers game approaching them yes so if you go and approach a woman and it it doesn’t go well that’s kind of two minutes three minutes of your life wasted but with a dating app and you connect with somebody on the app and you’re going back and forth and talking and arranging a date and then going on a date that’s going to take up far more time than just actually approaching and finding out whether you two click so it’s a numbers game and numbers games take a lot of time and investment another complaint that a lot of women and men make is that they feel the dates from these dating apps feel very inauthentic they feel like both of them feel that they’re very replaceable because they’re one step away from another person or another swipe you know it’s been reduced to that you know who’s the algorithm gonna vomit out tomorrow and that person whoever may be is your replacement someone’s going to be sitting in that chair the next day answering the same questions i don’t know about you but it doesn’t sound very romantic to me that i couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting down with somebody as a result of an algorithm and them interviewing me and me interviewing them now i get it when we meet people we are always doing the little interview but it’s it’s so much more flirtatious and there’s feels like there’s a lot less pressure i i think that a lot of these dates feel like speed dating almost it’s like okay come on come on answer the question and then the next one comes and i have heard a lot of people say they go on three or four dates and one night and i just thought oh my god each of those dates it sounds like oh i’m getting three or four dates in so i’m doing well but actually most of those will be unsuccessful because you’re not even looking forward to it and that’s the thing about numbers games you don’t look forward to it it just becomes like another repeat episode almost like okay yeah i’ve been here done that um a lot of people say well i don’t care about romance and i think that’s [ __ ] i think a lot of women like romance that doesn’t mean like being schmaltzy and overbearing but i do believe a lot of women do like romance and i do i know that men like being romantic even the ones that say they don’t they actually quite like it and these dates that come from dating apps are anything but romantic okay so that’s my first reason i know i went off on a couple of tangents there but now i want to go on to reason two okay and this is the main this is the main reason why people um shouldn’t be over reliant on dating apps people are getting matched up only to what they think is their type so it’s like okay blonde hair tick big tits tick likes game of thrones tick likes pizza tick whatever it is and what happens is you’re matching up with these people and all those people um that sort of the algorithm doesn’t fill as your type or you’ve just kind of thought well we don’t have enough common we don’t share enough commonalities it’s like swiped off into oblivion forever now all of us have experienced falling for someone who hasn’t been our type we’ve all had it and it’s a very powerful experience because you can’t you can’t use logical reason to explain why you’re attracted to that person but it was something to do with their banter they had a way about them we’ve ever used that expression she just had this way about her it was the way she said things it was this facial expression that she had it was her eye contact um it was it was the perfume that she was wearing or all these kind of things and this is game in motion this is what it’s all about this is attraction skills okay and this is exactly what we teach in our courses we teach men how to use the skills of attraction in a way which remains congruent with who they are okay and is in line with their values and their objectives so i mentioned before about short guys i’m just using that as an example short guys going well i won’t even be able to get my foot in the door so i have to like you know lie about my age on dating apps and and so forth i beg to differ when you go and talk to a girl and she might initially think that thinking oh he’s too short or he’s too old or he’s too young or he’s he’s just not my my type of course this kind of barrier goes up but if you can run game and show off your character the height doesn’t become such an issue whereas with the dating apps she’s expecting something else so she’s actually already in a more negative frame of mind because she’s like oh just like when you meet the girl who doesn’t look like her picture you’re gonna and it takes a lot to sort of get back to that sort of positive frame of mind that you you went in with whereas if you approach someone and you’re not their type they’re not expecting anything and then you dazzle them and this is also why i believe that only that really benefit from these editing apps are very very good looking people i i that’s what i think it just ends up with very very good looking people who are doing well from it because what happens is the guy who’s not even good-looking enough to take a good photograph and you know those girls like that too i get it they just get swiped they just don’t get anywhere and it’s not fair because that could be like the you know that could have been the love of her life that could have that guy could have been so funny he could have he could have been a great conversationalist he could have made her feel really good you’d be super confident but she’ll never know and you’ll never know so this is why approaching is so much better than relying on dating apps it feels like it’s giving you choice but it’s an artificial sense of choice i believe it’s very artificial whereas when you’re walking down the street and you know i’ve got game i know how to sizzle i have [ __ ] game i know how to conversate i know how to make a laugh i know how to build attraction and i’m going to talk to ever i want that is so that’s not numbers game anymore that’s a skill set and that’s game in motion just one more point i want to mention is that men who rely on dating apps don’t see the opportunities around them every guy that’s ever approached me either is not on dating apps or they use them as an extra option and that’s what they should be there for i’m i’m not telling you to get off dating apps i’m saying have it there as an extra option but don’t be blind to what’s going on around you don’t think that they are the shortcut that’s why so many people are complaining more and more about the whole dating process they’re saying that the um they’re saying the dates are like an interrogation they feel replaceable it takes a lot of time takes a lot of effort people don’t look like they’re photographs people are not that confident funny person they were portraying through their texts and whatsapp messages so my advice have it there use it now and again have fun with it but look up from that damn phone and look what’s around you and improve your game even if you say to me you know what actually i’m fine i’ll stick to dating apps you’re still going to have to go on that date so you’re going to have to improve your game anyhow even if it’s not your approach so if you want to actually improve your game and you want to become better with women whether you want to be able to approach them or make an impactful connection with them or find out how to sexually escalate all you have to do is check out the website kezia-noble.com you’ll find out more information about our live events yes they’re up and running again our acceleration home training program which has had a lot of incredible feedback i also provide training products which cover all areas of game okay thank you so much for watching this video please remember to subscribe if you haven’t done already and i hope to see you soon take care.

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