The TRUTH About Male/Female Dynamics…


The concept that we cover in this presentation can make you much more successful with women and help you to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering at the same time…

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Hey Jim wolf here with dating advice for men who love women there is a fundamental truth about dating and being in relationships with women that once you understand it will make you much more successful and it will also allow you to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering once you really get this and so what is this truth about male/female dynamics that we’re talking about in this presentation that’s so important to your success with women and to your happiness in life in general well here’s the thing about dating women choose first and then we choose women choose first and then we choose and now I’m gonna talk about five key points around this concept that are going to help you be more successful in dating so first of all number one here’s how this works when it comes to initial attraction women are in complete control so women do the choosing first and it really doesn’t have very much to do with you at all for example if you’re standing at a bar and one woman comes up to the bar and stands next to you and you start a conversation with her maybe you just say hi or whatever she could completely turn her back on you and ignore you and then five minutes later if you’re still standing at the bar another woman could come and stand next to you who’s of the same exact attractiveness level and has just as good of a personality and you could try to start a conversation with her and maybe she engages in that conversation with you and then maybe she agrees to go sit at a table and talk to you a little bit more and so if you’re just standing there somewhere and a bunch of different women come up next to you they’re all gonna have different reactions to you based on their interest in you and whether they’re available or not and you don’t have very much control over that if any when it comes to any particular woman and here’s another thing about that if a woman is not interested in you or at least a little bit open to you when she first meets you then there is nothing you can do to attract her okay so if a woman’s not interested in you there is nothing that you can do to make her interested even the best kind of player I guess you could say in the world cannot make a woman who’s not interested in him attracted to him it’s impossible not even Casanova could do it no one could do it and the reason why I bring that up is because a lot of people think of the concept of game or kind of being successful in dating as taking someone who’s not interested and making her interested and that’s not actually true that’s actually impossible so the only thing that we can do is take a woman who’s interested in you a little bit and make her a lot more interested in you that we can absolutely do and that’s what we talk about around here and your behavior at that point determines if she’s going to like you a lot more or she’s gonna lose interest in you and that’s that’s what we talked about and we’re gonna come back to that idea a little bit later as well but the point of this is if you’re trying to attract a woman who is not interested in you it’s a colossal waste of time and energy and it doesn’t matter how interested you are in a woman the only thing that matters is how interested she is in you and if we try to do something that literally cannot be done no matter how awesome we are no matter what we do we tend to lose self-worth and confidence and self-respect over that for no real reason at all because it’s impossible I mean if there was a 75 foot tall basketball hoop in your driveway and you couldn’t dunk the basketball on that would you feel bad about yourself because of that of course you wouldn’t because not even Shaq or Kobe or Michael Jordan or anyone could do that and not even Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball a thousand yards so why would you feel bad about yourself if you can’t attract a woman who’s simply not interested in you nobody can do that and yet so many men around the world try and try and try to do that because they are interested in a woman well again your interest in a particular woman is largely irrelevant what matters is her interest in you female interest is the number one factor in your dating and relationship success I’m gonna say that one more time because it’s so important female interest is the number one factor in your dating and relationship success and the higher a woman’s interest in you the better she treats you the better time you have with her and the better everything is for you in your relationship with her and that’s why we talk about how to raise and maintain a woman’s interest in you in our books and programs and this is actually something a lot of relationship experts tend to miss the importance of female interest because here’s the thing let’s say you’ve been in a relationship with a woman for five or ten or twenty five years and you’re having problems with her if her interest in you her deep real feelings for you as a man have gone all the way down to zero already then there’s no amount of relationship therapy that can help you so this is fundamental if a woman’s interest in you is zero there is nothing that can save you so what we want to do is figure out which women are interested in us and then decide which of those women we are also interested in that’s how this concept of women do the choosing first and then we choose comes into play you want to find out which women are interested in you and do it as quickly as you can and then you can decide which of those women you would like to date or to be with and that’s a huge paradigm shift from what most men out there do when it comes to dating which is just relentlessly pursue and chase a woman they’re interested in while completely ignoring her interest and not even noticing it or caring about it and that’s not a very effective strategy because remember her interest in you is not what’s irrelevant your interest in her is what’s mostly irrelevant so I get emails from men around the world every day and when a guy emails me and says something like I really like amber or I haven’t ever felt like this about anyone before or you know I’ve only been in love with two women I automatically start thinking okay you know I understand why you’re sharing your interest level in her with me because you think it’s important but really why are you mentioning something that doesn’t matter at all when it comes to the question you’re asking me and when it comes to dating and being in a relationship with a woman your interest is irrelevant you don’t have to include that when you ask a question about it because it doesn’t really matter what matters is does amber like you how much she feels stronger feelings for you then she’s ever felt before is she in love with you that is what matters it’s her interest that counts and again in terms of initial attraction we don’t have much to do with whether a woman will be interested in us or not now you can make yourself more attractive to women in general so you can increase the chance that any particular woman will find you attractive when she first sees you and when she first meets you you can absolutely do that but when it comes to one individual particular woman there is nothing that you can do to guarantee that she will be interested in you so again if right now two out of ten women are interested in you when they first meet you you can increase that to like three or four absolutely but can you make sure that that one woman Kendra that you like is gonna like you back absolutely not and that is a huge key to your success and not suffering so much and being unhappy with the way your dating life is going once you understand and accept this concept you’re gonna do a lot better because you’re not gonna be running uphill and trying to do something that’s impossible and then number two just because one particular woman isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean the woman right next to her will not be interested in you there’s not kind of this female collective brain out there where if you go talk to a woman and she’s just not into you that all the other women on the planet get that signal somehow and now they’re not interested in you – that’s not how this works you don’t know which women are going to be interested in you right away for example you might try to talk to a woman that you’re interested in and she might not be interested in you but in the same room as her maybe there’s a woman who’s even better-looking than her and maybe she even has a better personality than that woman and that woman is interested in you for some reason maybe you’re dressed like her favorite celebrity so she kind of thinks you’re interesting maybe she likes your body language whatever it is so one woman in a room can be not interested in you and another one can be interested in you and you can’t be a hundred percent sure which one it is and it’s certainly not based on which one you’re interested in and so there’s no way to know if any particular woman will be interested in you or not until you find out and again the key is that it’s all up to her she makes the first choice then if she’s interested in you or at least open to you you can choose to continue with her or not the initial choice is hers so because you’re aware of this now what you want to do is try to start a conversation with whichever women look interesting to you and see which ones respond positively and are open to you if they’re not open to you and you can clearly tell that they’re not interested just move on quickly instead of investing your time energy and emotions into a dead-end so you want to kind of have a little self control over your interest before you find out if a woman’s interested in you or not and listen it doesn’t matter how amazing a particular woman is if she’s not interested in you at ain’t going anywhere it doesn’t make any difference how awesome she is or how much you like her so what you want to do is find an amazing woman who is interested in you that’s the first step and most men never actually take that first step and then if a woman is interested in you or at least open to you and you can feel that then you can lead the interaction forward and here’s a good example of how this initial attraction idea can play out I think this is a really really good way to illustrate this concept I recently watched a reality show called love island which is basically a bunch of really good-looking single people who want to be in a relationship that come on this show to find a match and what happens is when a new guy comes to the island all of the women of the island are kind of lined up and the ones who are interested in that guy step forward and then he can choose one of those interested women to couple up with or he can actually choose any of the women that are there but at least he’ll know who has expressed interest in him and then it’s better probably to choose one of them so there’s a really good-looking cool guy who came on the show and when he first got to the island all of the six women or however many were there at the time were lined up and the host said okay all the women who are interested in this guy please step forward and guess what happened even though this guy was good-looking and he’s really cool none of the women stepped forward for him and he was the only guy who got no interest from any of those females and so at that point he could have completely given up and of course he still chose a woman to couple up with because that’s how the show works so he still had to choose someone to couple up with however there was no chemistry between them because she wasn’t interested in him that way and so this is a really awesome very very good looking guy who got no interest from those six particular females on this show and he coupled up with one of them but there was no chemistry between them and it wasn’t really good for him now a lot of guys would start feeling really bad about themselves in that situation and they would think like no women in the world are interested in me because these six women not one of them was at least a little bit open to me oh man that’s horrible that’s what how most guys would probably feel in that situation and it’s kind of hard not to because we’re all humans were not robots however this guy kind of kept his own self confidence I think he has very healthy self-esteem and confidence and so it wasn’t easy for him necessarily but he was pretty smooth about it and so what happened later is more women came to the island and at one point later in the show two women were interested in him at the same time and then a third one joined in and so when he started the show zero of those six first women were interested in him but later in the show two were interested in him at the same time and then a third one also joined them and now he had three really good options to choose that by the way we’re actually better-looking than the original six women who were not interested in him and that’s how this works you have no idea which women are gonna be interested in you and when you’re going to meet them and if this guy had lost all of his self-confidence and stopped being himself and stopped going he wouldn’t have had those three great options to choose from later in the show in fact I think he was probably the most successful guy on that show and at first he had no options out of those initial six women and so keep that in mind because that’s basically how this works it’s not really up to you at first a woman has to be interested in you before anything can happen and you just never know when that’s going to be so instead of focusing all your efforts and energy on one woman who may or may not be interested in you because of your high interest in her instead of that start looking for women who are interested in you because if you do that you’re already halfway to paradise with women and remember a woman with genuine interest in you treats you a lot better and she’s much better to be with than a woman who’s indifferent I can’t tell you how important this concept is and then number three here’s the reason why women choose first and then we choose in my opinion now this is not a scientific thing that’s for sure proven it’s just what I think this is just my opinion and the reason why doesn’t really matter but I think it’s interesting so let’s talk about it for a second so if you just think about the dynamics of mating and having children when it comes to that kind of I guess you could call it a marketplace women are a lot more valuable than we are because they only have one egg per month okay so they have one egg per month or so coming out and you have millions and millions and millions and millions of sperm I think it’s like you release like 300 million sperm or something like that when you release them and so if you take that value of kind of reproductive cells she has one for every 300 million to a billion or more of your cells so that’s a lot more valuable and she has to kind of protect that and try to find the best thing and here’s another thing a woman can only be impregnated by one man at a time so she better choose the right guy on the other hand you potentially not saying you should do this so that you want to do this but you could impregnate a lot of different women at the same time so it’s just not as important for you to choose the right one because the next day you could technically have a child with another one – she can’t do that so this choice is more important for her and it’s more risky for her than it is for you and so I think over time women have just kind of become the gatekeepers in this dynamic so she gets to choose first she’s in control of who gets to come into that romantic reality with her and by the way here’s another thing about that once a woman actually decides that she’s interested in a guy once a woman’s interested in someone there’s nothing that can stop her from trying to be with him she will do whatever it takes female interest is very strong and especially if you tell her that she can’t have that guy that’s why I like if a woman’s attracted to someone that you might think is a jerk or whatever and her friends are like oh you should stop being we don’t like him you don’t go after him that makes her even more motivated to go for him because now not only is she interested in him she’s also doing something that other people don’t want her to do which kind of makes her feel powerful and so the point here is that women do the choosing and we don’t have a lot to do with it now again you can absolutely make yourself much more attractive to women in general and you should do everything in your power to do that but that doesn’t mean that that one particular woman that you really like right now is going to be attracted to you no matter how awesome you become on the other hand if a woman is interested in you then you absolutely can raise her interest in you and then maintain it indefinitely and again that’s what all of our books and programs are about and so if you want to be in a relationship with a woman what you want to do is choose a woman who chooses you first so stop looking so hard at your interest in a particular woman back up a little bit kind of scan the field and see who’s interested in you and choose a woman who chooses you first now the dynamics of a woman choosing first can play out differently in different places so for example if you’re in New York City there’s a lot of single women there and so you might have an advantage over someone who lives in rural Alaska where there’s not as many women so this dynamic plays out differently but even in New York City with a lot more options for men it doesn’t really matter if a woman’s not interested in the guy he still cannot do anything to attract her so the chances of a woman being interested might be slightly higher but again if none of those single women in New York City are interested in a guy he still won’t be able to attract him now in a big big city like that there probably is a lot of women who would be interested in a guy most people can find their match and if not then you can do a lot of things to improve yourself like work on your fitness and your body language etc but I’m just saying that while this plays out differently on a deserted island where it’s just you and 400 women the head does if you live in rural Montana and there’s two women per square mile it’s still the same concept the woman still chooses first and then number four we kind of touched on this already but I just want to repeat it again because it’s very important so here’s the key again if a woman is interested in you then your behavior determines what happens with her after that so if a woman chooses you first meaning she’s open to you or interested in you and wants to see maybe where things will go with you at that point then it’s your behavior that determines what happens with her and if you do everything right with her her interest will keep climbing and if you don’t do everything right her interest will fall it’s really that simple and here’s another thing about how this concept works once a woman’s interest in you passes your interest in her the power dynamic of the relationship shifts in your favor and it’s also good for her as well that’s a key point so women have all the power at first however once a woman is highly interested in you and her interest in you passes your interest in her that’s when the power dynamic shifts and where you can have a really strong great relationship with a woman so that’s what we want and it’s also good for her as well so your job is to identify a woman who is interested in you that you’re also interested in and then raise her interest in you until it’s a little bit higher than your interest in her that’s what we want to do when it comes to dating and ideally what we want is for her interest in you to be about you know nine point six or so out of ten well your interest in her is like 9.3 9.4 nine point five out of ten so you want her interest to be a little bit higher than your interest that’s the best we can realistically do in this human experience that we’re living and if a woman is nine point six out of ten interested in you and you’re nine point five interested in her that’s a relationship that can keep both of you satisfied and happy and that can last as long as you want so that’s our ideal target to shoot for that’s actually possible but what we don’t want is your interest to be nine point five out of ten and her interest to be zero or two or three that’s not a good relationship and then lastly number five here’s one more critical point even once a woman’s interest in you hits nine out of ten or higher which means that she’s actually deeply in love with you and her real feelings for you are as strong as they can be even at that point you still have to maintain her interest in you or you’re in trouble you don’t want to let her interest in you fall because again her interest in you is the number one most important factor in your relationship with her and I want to illustrate this point with an example that just shows you how important that this concept is and that ties everything in this presentation together there is an actress that I think is extremely attractive in every way she’s really cool and she seems like she would be a good person to be in a relationship with and you probably don’t know who she is because she’s not really extremely famous and so I don’t want you to try to figure out who this is it’s not important what’s important is the concept and so there’s an actress out there who I think is a great person and for a while like a couple of years I think she had a boyfriend who I also think is a really great guy he’s really cool and he seems like he would probably be good in a relationship as well and as a dating and relationship coach who’s kind of seen a lot of different dynamics playing out between couples I could tell that she actually was genuinely very interested in her boyfriend her interest in him was very high in fact I thought it was pretty likely that they would be engaged this year or at least really soon so that’s what I was thinking based on the dynamics between them however here’s the important point even though her boyfriend seems like a genuinely awesome person he clearly doesn’t understand the importance of female interest and how male interest is mostly irrelevant and can actually drown out female interest if we’re not careful and if he did understand that he’d probably be engaged to her right now so everything was going along great for this couple until I noticed that on Valentine’s Day he posted to my forever woman on Instagram along with a photo of them so on Valentine’s Day he posted to my forever woman with a photo of them now here’s the thing most people probably thought that his post was sweet or at least that there wasn’t anything wrong with it and maybe even you’re thinking that right now yet I absolutely knew that meant trouble for him and why is that here’s the key I knew it was going to be a problem for him because she didn’t post or say something like that about him first so he said to my forever woman when she had never made any strong indication of him being her forever man and again dating and relationships is all about female interest not your interest so it’s okay to say something like that after she does yet if you do something like that first it starts to erode female interest so what that post showed me is that he had already kind of committed himself to being with her forever and he was already at that point in expressing it publicly in the most public way possible whereas she wasn’t quite there yet but I thought she would definitely get there soon so he did that a little bit too soon before she was actually there and then she started feeling the pressure from that and that lowers female interest and a woman cannot even help it now again if she had posted to my forever man and then he responded with something similar or posted something like that a week or two later then there wouldn’t be a problem although we should still keep stuff like that to a minimum but he did it first he broke self control and expressed his interest verbally before she had done so at the same level in a public forum no less and this goes against the principle of female interest versus male interest so what happened with this couple well again even though her interest in him was clearly high at the time and she responded with something cute to his Valentine’s Day post her interest started to fall after that and just a few months after that she caught feelings for another man and left him if I didn’t see his Instagram post I would have been shocked by that because she was definitely into him before she had real feelings for him and in my opinion she’s a good woman…

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