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Remember when you were a kid and there was always that one thing that scared the hell out of you come on we all had one that one fear that made your skin crawl that made you cry when you had to confront it maybe you were terrified of snakes or you couldn’t be in the same room as a clown or maybe you were just scared of the old lady next door with the mean look on her face let me ask you how did you overcome that fear assuming that you did can you remember well i for one can vividly remember see when i was a kid i used to be terrified of ants yeah i know it sounds silly but one time when i was like five i was playing in the backyard and i noticed an ant hill with hundreds of ants marching along to build their little empire i was too young to know the difference between the harmless black ants and the fire red ants and unfortunately these were the red kind i was curious poked that one and got bit hard i immediately started crying and after that i developed a phobia of ants and it continued that way for a couple more years this fear of ants until one day my school teacher let us watch our first ever movie in class pixar’s a bug’s life it was pixar’s second ever movie about an ant colony and the animation was revolutionary at the time i still remember being absolutely captivated and interestingly enough after i watched that movie i was no longer scared of ants looking back it was pretty clear to me that the reason watching a bug’s life helped me overcome my phobia events was because it humanized ants to me instead of being this dangerous alien bug species that bites people thanks to pixar i saw this other side of them having emotions overcoming obstacles and working together to do what’s best for the colony that movie helped me empathize with ants instead of being scared of them now what does all this have to do with overcoming anxiety around women well everything in fact i’d say it’s the same you see one of the reasons why you’re anxious around attractive women is because you’re not humanizing them you’re just seeing her as this beautiful thing and you’re praying that if you were to say hi to her she’d accept your attempts at romance and let you kiss her basically you’re sexualizing her instead of realizing like hey she’s just a person not an alien species there’s no reason for me to feel anxious i can just talk to her like a person i think one of the reasons why so many younger guys especially automatically sexualizes every pretty girl he meets is because of porn see if you watch too much porn you’re training your brain to look at hot women only from that crude and indecent viewpoint and so when you meet a cute girl in real life instead of getting the urge to go up and talk to her and get to know her you get the urge to do all those nasty freaky stuff that you saw some guy do in porn and so you start feeling anxious because instead of seeing her as a girl that you should be trying to get to know you see her as some dehumanized sexual object that you’re trying to conquer but you’re not sure how to solve this puzzle if this is your mindset and trust me i’m sure there are some of you watching who do then it’s pretty obvious that in order to overcome this anxiety around women you’re gonna have to humanize them in your mind and yes that means the first step would be to quit porn or to cut it down significantly if you’re addicted another way you can humanize attractive women in order to reduce anxiety and relate to them in a real way is simply through exposure exposure therapy is one of the most common techniques used to get over fear the more you come into contact with whatever it is that scares you the more you’ll get used to it and eventually grow a tolerance to the fear that’s because you’re spending more time around something that you’re scared of without anything bad necessarily happening so you’re training your brain to realize hey this ain’t so bad why should i be scared of this thing again so bringing it back to the topic the more you’re exposed to women the more you’ll learn to humanize them and the less you’ll feel anxious around them that’s why i actually encourage guys to have some fema friends in your life ones you’re not romantically interested in or just make it an effort to engage with girls on an everyday basis so it becomes something normal to you making friends with women that other guys find attractive but i personally have no interest in has been super eye-opening for me because i get to see up close and personal common problems that girls have when it comes to dating such as the fact that most hot women feel like they have lots of options but not many quality options something that frustrates them you also learn how women communicate when you make female friends you learn that there are less about the logical surface level words like men are and more about the energy and emotions that those words come from you realize hey attractive women aren’t that different from me they’re people with hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities just like i have you start to view them less as this scary entity that’s gonna reject you and just see them as a human being that you can relate to and connect with another reason why you’re anxious around women is what i just mentioned the fear of rejection put another way you’re scared of your ego getting hurt i’ve noticed that a lot of guys especially ones who struggle with women they have extremely negative self-talk they have these harmful scripts programmed into their brains about why they’re not good enough how girls don’t like them because of their looks or their race or their social awkwardness and then when he finally comes into the vicinity of a cute girl he’ll instantly become anxious because he’s afraid she’ll confirm all those hurtful negative thoughts he has in his head he’s afraid that if he were to go up to her and say hi she’d respond by looking him up and down having an expression of disgust on her face and saying ew you’re not good enough for me sorry when in reality 99 of people would never respond in such a way so if you feel like this is the reason you have anxiety around women as a way to protect your ego from getting hurt i have one main suggestion which is to learn to kill your ego as much as possible well what does that even mean gentleman’s game well let’s start with what is the ego in the first place your ego is your sense of self it’s the part of you that feels separate from the world like you’re the main character and everyone else is just some npcs in the background the ego can lead you to achieve some amazing things but it can also cause you great pain the ego will make everything about itself especially when things aren’t going its way it’ll think oh why didn’t she say this or why did she do that she must not like me when in reality everyone has their own reasons for doing or saying things that have nothing to do with you for example a guy might have anxiety around a girl because he tried introducing himself but she seemed like she was in a bad mood the ego will take this personally and think goddammit this isn’t going my way again ugh another rejection god why is this so hard screw her i’m never approaching a girl again when in reality she could have been in a bad mood for many many reasons that have nothing to do with you when you learn to kill your ego a bit and not make everything about you you stop being so in your head you stop putting women on a pedestal and learn to not take things so personally and as a result you become less anxious around other people and especially girls in terms of how to actually kill your ego i suggest checking out the book a new earth by eckhart tolle it goes into some pretty deep stuff about what the ego is how it operates and identifies with random labels and how to break free from the ego another great practice is meditation and mindfulness as being present in the moment and aware of what’s going on around you is a great way to remove your attention from the ego and be more observant which will again lead to you taking things less seriously and having less anxiety overall hope you enjoyed this video and so to summarize today we talked about two main ways to reduce or eliminate your feelings of anxiety when you’re around other women we try to humanize them more as well as to kill your ego as always make sure to check out my free 5 page pdf on the fundamentals of attraction as well as my instagram in the description box below next week i have a special special video planned.