Today, I’m gonna dissect the myth that you have to be extroverted and loud in order to attract a quality girl. Truth is, introverts have unique advantages in the dating scene, and I’m gonna delve into what you can do as an introvert to maximize your strengths.
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So, the other day a subscriber left a comment on a post saying “Please do a video for introverts who have a hard time getting girls. I am one of them! I think that your videos are mostly for extroverted men who find it easy to talk and flirt with total strangers.” This was actually a topic I’ve been meaning to do a video on for a while, so why not now. People, or I should almost say SOCIETY, seem to have this idea that the only way to be successful with women is to be this smooth outgoing, extroverted, guy. That if you’re an introvert, you’re NOT gonna have much success in dating, because shy guys just aren’t as charismatic or cool. But, in actuality, that’s simply not true. So to illustrate this point, I’m gonna use an analogy I think most guys should be able to appreciate: Sports. There’s a bunch of different sports I could use, but I’m gonna pick basketball since it’s my favorite. In basketball, conventional wisdom says that, you have to be very TALL, very ATHLETIC, and STRONG in order to be a good basketball player. Think of someone like Lebron James, one of the greatest players of all time, whose insanely athletic and powerful, and is able to dominate the game physically. Over the past few years however, this idea is starting to be challenged, and I’d say that THE PLAYER who lead this paradigm shift is another player, Stephen Curry. A player, that is short by NBA standards, with BELOW AVERAGE athleticism and strength. A player who, most dominant NBA stars would scoff at if they never met him before. And yet, Stephen Curry has become one of the greatest point guards of all time, winning AS MANY championships as the great Lebron James and revolutionized the sport. And he DID this, by maximizing his natural abilities. Despite his physical handicaps, he trained his skills everyday to become the greatest shooter of all time, and one of the best ball handlers of all time. The reason Steph Curry is able to succeed in a tough sport like basketball DESPITE not having the natural physical gifts of other players like Lebron, is because he EMBRACED who he was, with his unique strengths and weaknesses. He KNEW that he’d never be a physical freak of nature athletically, so he dominated the game through polishing other aspects of his skill. And it’s actually kind of a similar idea when it comes to talking to girls. You don’t HAVE to be this super extroverted, outgoing guy to be popular with the ladies, EVEN though thats what conventional wisdom says. There are many paths to victory. Introverts can 100% be successful and charismatic with women; they just have to learn to maximize their unique strengths. I’ll give you another, more direct example to prove my point. Take 2 different but equally successful and loved actors: Robert Downey Jr and Keanu Reeves. On hand, you have Rdjr, who seems more of a smooth talking charismatic guy. He definitely fits the more extroverted mold, the life of the party. On the other hand, you have Keannu Reeves. Someone who’s definitely more INTROVERTED. In fact, in most interviews with Keannu, he seems to exude this low-energy, but zen like presence. You can just tell that he’s the kinda guy who prefers spending his nights in peace, reading a book over a cup of tea or something like that, based on the way he speaks. And yet Keannu Reeves is still universally adored by millions of people worldwide. In fact its probably a meme how much everyone loves Keannu. He has this honest kinda awkwardness about him, yet he’s still magnetically charismatic, someone who could EASILY attract women. Okay, so now that we’ve proven introverts can be JUST as attractive as extroverts, let’s talk about some SPECIFIC ways that introverts can maximize their strengths to attract girls. So Number 1 is LISTENING. A common strength I see in introverts is that they’re VERY good listeners, especially in 1 on 1 situations. Because they’re less inclined to talk to lots of lots of people, when they DO decide to engage with someone, they give them ALL their attention. This is actually a skill thats SUPER useful in 1 on 1 situations with a girl, like on a date, or meeting someone through a friend. When introverts with good listening skills get themselves into these 1on1 situations WITH the opposite sex, they tend to come across as very patient and attentive. When done correctly, Girls will think “Wow, this guy is such a good listener. Having his attention on me feels good, I want to see him again.” Number 2: PRESENCE. Most introverts emphasize communication through BODY LANGUAGE instead of VOCAL Power. That’s why introverts who learn to embrace who they are very often exude this quiet, zen-like confidence and presence. Again, think back to Keannu. When he talks to someone, his eye contact is always SUPER on point, and you notice he’ll always use LOTS of hand gestures when expressing himself. In other words, he learned how to OVERCOME whatever lack in verbal skills he had, by instead leaning more on using his body language. This is why people say that when they meet Keannu, he has this magical “zen like” presence that just mesmerizes you. You’re drawn into his charisma, his world. And Considering that over 70% of communication is DONE with body language instead of words, this actually might be MORE effective in building attraction than just being a smooth talker IF you know how to properly use it. Using body language effectively to flirt is a whole topic unto itself, which I’ll cover in a seperate video. But the main point is that if you’re an introvert, you have to learn to EMBRACE this, in order to find your unique charismatic style of body language. This way, You’re gonna be able to filter out and find the girls who prefer more quiet guys who are calm and collected over guys who are more loud and extroverted. Because here’s something you probably already know: PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT. Yes, some girls prefer douchy, frat boy type of guys who can banter. But you’re also gonna have girls who are the opposite. After all, why is it a cliché that girls have a thing for the “strong but SILENT” type? Number 3: Authenticity. Another thing that introverts do well when it comes to dating, is that they seem very AUTHENTIC. They’re often very thoughtful cause they’re so introspective all the time, so their authenticity really shines through. An example is my friend Andy. He’s definitely an introvert.. a mechanical engineer that loves to play DOTA in his spare time. And yet, whenever I manage to drag him out to the bars with me, I notice he doesn’t let his introversion stop him to succeeding socially at all. He’s completely unapologetic about who he is and his quirky interests, and girls can sense this authenticity right away. He treats everyone with respect but can also speak up for himself. Cause of all this, girls will tell me all the time how charming Andy is. Since, as introvert Andy is still able to just be himself and is totally comfortable in his own skin, he seems “DIFFERENT” from the other loud guys an the bar thumping on their chest, trying to impress everyone. He actually got into a relationship not too long ago with a sweetheart, so good for him. Ok so the last one, Number 4: Mystery. It’s naturally ALOT harder to tell what an introvert is thinking, since they don’t express themselves as transparently as extroverts do. This is actually you that you as an introvert can use to your advantage. You see, one of the basic tenets of attraction is that people but especially women DONT LIKE feeling like they have a guy all figured out. If she already knows everything there is to know about a guy, if he’s made himself THAT transparent to her, she’ll be bored, and turn off. That’s something that Guys who constantly wear their emotions on their sleeve need to understand. Though most girls wouldnt admit it, they enjoy that thrill of slowly getting to find out more about someone that they find attractive. They like the chase, it makes it that much more rewarding in the end. I mean, how many romance movies have you heard of where the guy is some “mysterious bad boy” who slowly starts to open up to the girl, and then they finally fall in love? See, girls kinda think in that blueprint. They can’t resist an attractive man who’s mysterious at first, then slowly opens up to her over time, and only her. It makes her feel all special and tingly inside. And if you, as a introvert can understand this, you can use your natural quiet tendencies to actually CREATE attraction through Mystery. Okay, so to recap: Being an introvert doesn’t NECESARILY mean that you’re at a disadvantage when it comes to dating. If you can embrace your strengths as an introvert, you can be just as successful as any extrovert. We talked about some specific strengths introverts have, such as their listening skills, zen like presenc and their mysterious. And just to be clear, this applies to introverts who have some basic level of social skills. If you’re introverted to the point of severe social anxiety and you literally can’t even say hi to a stranger, then you’re gonna need to deal with those issues first before worrying about getting girls as an introvert. Thats it for the video guys. This was the FIRST official video of 2020, so I hope the new year has been treating you guys all well. If you’re a new subscriber to the channel, THANK YOU so much for coming along for the ride. I’m pretty we’ll be past 50k by the time this video airs which is just amazing, and I’m looking forward to an amazing year giving you guys top notch content.